Women Emerging Beautifully

Rachel Conkleton, Mable Asberry, and Tonya Teegarden

By: Courtney Stone

Which of the following do college students Rachel Conkleton, Mable Asberry, and Tonya Teegarden face every day? (A) Homework. (B) Being a mother. (C) Making ends meet. (D) All of the above.

These three young women are all single mothers at Langston University. They juggle textbooks, essays, housework, and the demands of motherhood – a greater burden than their classmates bear. All must rely on their intelligence, strength, and determination to succeed, and a budding program called WEB – Women Emerging Beautifully – will soon help them maintain their balance with college and family. Though WEB is still planning its course, it has a lot of potential.

Rachel Conkleton is older than the average college student and far more experienced in life. She has four daughters – Tamaris, 23; Tameisha, 21, Alexandra, 17, and Tabitha, 14 – and a son – Quentin, 19. After dropping out from Langston University, surviving an abusive and jealous husband, and moving from wealth to poverty and homelessness, she decided to change her life and learn to take care of herself. She also wanted to "leave a legacy" for her children. Her stepmother inspired and encouraged her to return to Langston and finish what she started.

Mable Asberry came from a poor family to attend Langston. She chose the university because it is a historically black college. She also wanted to stay close to her family, especially her grandmother, who is her namesake. She met her boyfriend during orientation, and they became a couple the following year. She later became pregnant, much to the dismay of her family. Her sister even told her, "That's what you get." Mable and her boyfriend have stayed together. Their son, Braelon, is now a year and a half old.

Born into a small-town Baptist family, Tonya Teegarden got married right out of high school and had children shortly thereafter. Her husband became physically and verbally abusive. He made degrading remarks about her body in front of her children, and also threatened to cut her into small pieces and dump them at an abandoned oil well site. However, once he hurt her children, she knew it was time to get out. She got a restraining order, and started over in Stillwater, where she began her nursing studies at Oklahoma State University. She later joined the nursing program at Langston at the recommendation of two of her friends. She has two daughters – Kasey, 13; and Josey, 10 – and a son – Benny, 11.

The combination of motherhood and college means multitasking and balancing. When asked about the greatest challenges they face as single mothers, all three women immediately said that it was time. Rachel pointed out that small everyday matters can profoundly impact one's schedule. She has to study, meet with her professors, take care of her children, cook, do laundry, and so forth. She sometimes wonders, "Do I put makeup on?" College sometimes means being separated from your children, but as Mable said, one has to succeed or it is all in vain. For Tonya, it is difficult to focus on her son when he needs to talk to her and she has homework looming over her mind.

Another difficulty is that strangers, friends, and even family can be judgmental and rude toward single mothers. Intrusive questions and assumptions – whether the mother is on welfare, or if she engages in a promiscuous lifestyle – are disrespectful and offensive to these hard-working women. Superior attitudes are also not helpful. Tonya's conservative Baptist family, for example, often preaches to her about her choices.

Rachel, Mable, and Tonya have dreams and hopes, however. Rachel wants to become a doctor and help those who believe they cannot do better for themselves. She is particularly interested in educating the African-American community and running a free clinic that treats patients with dignity and respect. Mable plans to attend law school and combine her legal studies with her medical studies. She hopes to work in a job that focuses on the legal aspects of medicine. Tonya looks forward to studying at the Texas Women's University in Denton and becoming an anesthesiologist.

With the help of a grant from the Women's Foundation of Oklahoma, Women Emerging Beautifully has the potential to support these women as they rise above their troubles. Mable, who serves on the committee, has plenty of enthusiasm and energy, and her eyes grow brighter whenever she describes the group's plans. One idea is to establish a family resource center with a computer lab and an adjoining playroom with a window so that mothers can use the computers without leaving their children with a sitter. Mable also pointed out that many students from other states often leave behind refrigerators, microwaves, towels, and dishes at the end of each semester because they cannot take them home. WEB could collect these items and allow mothers to purchase them with points; these points would be earned by watching educational family videos or attending seminars.

The group would also like to expand the hours of Langston University's on-campus daycare. Currently, parents have to present their class schedule, and they may only leave their children there during class time. WEB hopes to amend the daycare's policy so that mothers may leave their children there while they shop for groceries or attend nighttime study sessions.

Finally, WEB is empowering single mothers at Langston University. Too many of them have left because they could not keep family and academics in balance. In the words of Mable Asberry, Women Emerging Beautifully – with the help of the Women's Foundation – will make "the avenues through academia a little less bumpy."